you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
