i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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