I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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