look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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