seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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