oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize