Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
