Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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