i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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