is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
