if only i could text you this smell
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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