its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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