It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
