elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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