So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
