he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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