I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
