Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
