So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
