I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
