I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
