You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
