Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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