from now on my penis is your penis
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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