I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize