i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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