He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
