I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize