I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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