If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
