I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
