I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
