apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
