i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize