Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
