I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
