i think my mom watched the whole time
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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