____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
