i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
