The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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