I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
