I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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