i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
