Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
