Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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