Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
