I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize