Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
