Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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