it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
