good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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