I think my fart just growled at me.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
