Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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