Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
