I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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