Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
