your room smells of hookers.
And success
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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