You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
