i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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