fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
