we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
