Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Operation Purity has been aborted
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's official drugs can't kill me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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