Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
