You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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