Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
